Orphans

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By
Ricku
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Dear Princess Luna,

I learned about something really interesting this week from a friend of mine. There are a lot of people who take adopted people lightly. The ones with bad pasts and abusive families are always treasured and they always receive so much help for tending their mental scars, while the kids who didn't really have that, get nothing.

Those people believe that the children with good pasts do not have any scars that they need taken care of, but it's really a lie. Children with their biological mothers have a connection. Those first nine months, the child grows inside the mother, listening to her heartbeat and voice every day. They have a special connection. Even if they treat each other a little bad, they still have the connection, although not appreciated.

While an adoptive mother or father can definitely love and appreciate the child more than anything in the world, that certain connection is missing. And it's not to say the child wouldn't appreciate their adoptive parents. They do. It's just... Something is missing. Something no-one can ever give them. But the scars may not open until they are of certain age. They may open once they are adults, forty years, even!

They may, and quite possibly will, feel guilt. For what reason, even they may not know for certain, but it still will linger inside them. The feel that they should repay, return the gift. Something that should not be there, yet still existing in their minds.

And whether or not the child is from another country, another culture, they will be quite different from the others. They won't be the majority and they will feel insecure about themselves, because they are different. It doesn't mean they are bad people, they just look different to the others. Certain facial features or colour patterns can be an enough reason for others to mock, or even fear, the person.

They may not realize these things until that one day and once they do, that emptiness may stay until they draw their last breathes.

It is something that can not be filled, but it should not be ignored. It should not be taken for granted. Those people who never went through this, couldn't possibly understand the pain, nor the idea behind it that a child who was taken, or as they would say, saved, from their abusive family and given to a better family where they are loved beyond anything else. How could they be hurting right? It's ignorance that drives us to think as such.

These people may be the happiest people on earth, appreciating everything that they have gotten or they may be the complete opposite. The empty place is still there and it is something we all should take into consideration. We should understand that even something that may be trivial to us, may be something that really changes them as humans, as people.

It is something that even I never considered before and while I may not know how they feel, I can understand that it can be very painful. While I can't fix anything, I hope I can still help my friend, even if just by listening to his worries.



~Rickudemus~


© 2014 - 2024 Ricku
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Tigramans's avatar
Tigramans
Are you implying that the lack of presence of the child's biological parents may cause the child to treat adoptive parents more like close guests than real parents? If so, then I'm not wondering - it's a natural subliminal response that has been hard coded to each of us. If the child feels guilt because all of this, then the best move the parents could do, is to talk with the child, and get things straight - in the age he/she understands it all, of course. You made a fascinating point in the field of family sociology and adopting ethics, that we need more research in.

What comes to foreign adopting, such as an African child to a Nordic family, it quite possibly causes social pressures to the child, when surrounded by people that look and sound alien to him/her. We are still in the changing state of turning multicultural in a global scale, and these kind of issues are expected to be increasing everywhere in the future, until everyone's been educated about the matter, AND been through with it. Some people just are ignorant and shun those that look different, but that won't last forever. As the people grows more aware of the other cultures and habits in the world, the less close-mindedness we've got.

For me, such spectrum of different cultures and people is something to be cherished. I'd go insane if we all would be same-looking and same-talking individuals...